What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 23:35
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One cannot live in the past .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
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He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Do girls ever miss their first love?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
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He resisted the act ,that day.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She found it foreign!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She wouldn,t have been !
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why do foolish atheists think their strange delusional theories are facts?
Why did i forgive my father ?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
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We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She married twice! .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And i lived it daily.
All the time i was locked up.
Why do good-looking men date homely women?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
What are the common formulas for improvising ornaments in bel canto singing?
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My family never makes their pension either.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
What did i know ?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I waited trembling.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
This is soul school!.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I said to her
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was 9 years of age.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We all went to grammer schools
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
When she asked me how she looked .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We were not on the streets..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im still living with it.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
So, i spoilt her more .
Ive learnt so much.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But, we were locked up after school.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Who then, do I blame.?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I don,t even have a pension.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I write beautiful poetry .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She loved him until the end.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was scared of men, in general
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Would this be the day?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I will be 64.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I think the readers, may guess!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He knew the spot.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I have no regrets .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was seconnd youngest,
I was very sick at this time too.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
It was going to be , some day.
My life is so biszare .
So whats the point in blame.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Put me off passion for life!!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I could never make a relationship work though!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Comes on , in middle age.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it wasn’t much.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I never cut or harmed myself..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She was in good health!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!